In this, my 50th year, I have started weekly therapy. It is a dialectical behavioral therapist, rather than talk therapy, so much of our conversation is about how I can change by behavior so my emotions are not so much in control of me. It is .. difficult. In addition to aging 1,000 years since the 5 year wedding anniversary photo taken below, I have also continued, and continue in the same behavior patterns. Just this morning, before we leave to honor Djenadi and her beautiful life, Jason hurt my feelings. So, I calmly … ha, just kidding. I stormed away, he drove away, I called and screamed at him, he responded, and the dance continued. I am supposed to use open hands and a half smile when I hear something I disagree with, but I struggle to do that even at my office, much less at home. I am so terrified about how this trip/dinner in Baltimore/start of Allyson (HIGH SCHOOL) and Eleanor’s school/four days at work/trip to Florida/Jason’s 54th birthday will run us all ragged that I am starting already raggedy. And rage-y.