I just got back (well, two weeks ago) from a really fun bike trip around Crater Lake, Bend and Sisters, Oregon with my 17 year old son. It’s a lie to say we ‘rode together’ — he was MILES and HOURS ahead of me — but we roomed together and ate breakfast and dinner together and generally had a really lovely time.

Just before we left, I took my 15 year old to therapy we had forced her (read: she wanted X, we said you can have X if you do Y, with Y being therapy) to attend. She DESPISED it, and honestly, the therapist despised her a bit. So on the way home from forced session, I started yelling at her (error #1,000 that I repeat pretty regularly). She … just got out. We were at a stop light, in a different town adjacent to our own, and I stopped the car and chased her, screaming (see error) for a few blocks. Then — I just left her. I just got back in the car and drove away.

I couldn’t catch her, I’m too slow, but I could have gotten in the car and found her. I had taken away her phone, so she had no phone and no iPad/etc. I had to catch a flight, but I didn’t need to leave RIGHT THEN. I had about 20 minutes before I needed to get home and go. So I really regret not staying/chasing. But. In other news. She made it home fine; it was about 8 miles — she walked a lot of it and then took the bus. Just as I was about to call the police, while I was at the airport, she walked in the front door.

There has been a lot of ramifications. She lost her phone for a week, her dad, myself and I talked extensively when I returned from my trip, she said it feels like we don’t love her, other heartbreaking things have occurred. And I went to lunch with a good friend who said the point at the top of this post — ‘teenagers — when you like them least is when they need you most./

And honestly, I have always liked this kid, and always found her to be really challenging, and I have struggled to draw firm boundaries and lines with her — to our and her detriment. So we are trying to do everything ‘right’ — and just trying to love her and show her how much we love her.

Oh my husband was FURIOUS I had left her. But he told her, not me, because I am hard to speak with about difficult things, so … I found out from her. But I would have been mad if he left her, too. Not sure what I was thinking; I have no excuses. My stepmother strongly and firmly said “you have raised her well, she will be home, don’t worry” and that was SO WELCOME and SO NEEDED at that point.